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That should go without saying, but many women these days refrain from first-date sex to avoid being "tainted. You may not even realize that's what's holding you back. But I'm here—with experts—to clear that up. Religion, family expectations, experiences such as being slut-shamed, are just three of the many influences that inform the way you think about your sexual self.
In fact, people rarely consider their personal guidelines for sex. Instead, you might consider yourself adventurous in bed or consider intimacy sacred without ever considering the why behind it. And doing so, Kanaris adds, is crucial to understanding why old-school ideals might be clashing with your modern ones.
How do you do this? I know it sounds weird, but taking a moment to ask yourself a few questions before going on dates can help you figure out your true feelings about whether you want sex to be part of them. Now that you did your homework about your opinions toward sex on the first date, it's time to clear up other factors that might be causing you to pause.
The worry or fear that your date won't respect you after first-date sex should never be the reason you keep your dress zipped or jeans buttoned. Honestly: If you actually think this person is capable of that, do you really want to sleep with them, anyway? The only thing that should really stop you, if anything, should be your comfort level with this person and whether they hold up to your dating standards—if, that is, you're looking for an eventual relationship with them. Chloe" CarmichaelPhD, a clinical psychologist and author of Dr. Chloe's 10 Commandments of Dating.
For that reason, if you're hoping for more than a flingyou may want a few more dates with this person to suss out whether they're worth your time. And the idea that your date will lose interest in you once you've had sex? Well, if that happens, chances are, they weren't all that emotionally interested in you before the sex, either.
Again, if you're looking for more than a fling, better you learn that now than later, before you're invested in them. All that said, if all you're thinking about one date in is how badly you want to take them to bed—not so much about how much potential you see in them in a long-term partner —you don't need to deprive yourself just for the sake of waiting. So go for it, and enjoy it, girl. That can make the sex extra amazing, thrilling, and gratifying. But sex on the first date can also flop. Though the conversation at dinner may have turned you on, their performance in bed might not be what you hoped for.
They're getting to explore a new body, too, and they might not know how to work yours yet. You may like different things from their former partners, and vice versa. What happens after sex on the first date from can go one of a few ways, says Kanaris. The best way to avoid this is to chat about what they're looking for ahead of time.
Sure, they might not be totally honest with you, but it's worth trying, anyway. In another scenario, they might want sex with you again but pass on the dinner and drinks next time. That's a good indication that they view your connection as more of a physical one than an emotional one, and it's up to you if you feel the same. This is a disgusting double-standard and a sure that your date is trash and not worth your time.
My condolences. On the other hand, though, sex on the first date or even what you thought would be a one-night stand!
Sex can you give you a good sense for whether you and your date are a good match. Sure, similar outlooks on life and mutual respect are major, too, but considering your sexual compatibility and openness toward sex in general can and should weigh in to that, too. Plus, for many people, having sex can lead to emotional feelings. Women release oxytocin after sleeping with someone, which makes them feel more bonded to their partner. Men release testosterone, which makes them want to "hunt. Just as much as you want to take precautions to protect your heart in dating, you need to protect your health, too.
Once you get on the info you need, keep in mind that since you might not know this person very well, you should probably still use condoms. Just sayin'. Then go ahead and get your sex on after that awesome first date. Because you can.
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