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The first time I saw him, I had no idea who he was, but I was immediately attracted to him. Then, I walked in and he was sitting there. I remember the first instance I thought something was there when I walked by and noticed his hunched and his gaze fixated on me, not even stopping because I made eye contact and acknowledging this strange event of being across the street.
Just there. I thought it was unusual, again, being that I did not see anything other than what was. Then, I noticed when we said things at the same time, had the same color of cases, drove similar cars, interested in similar things. I remember speaking to him about my inadequacy, and described a personality that I would much rather be with.
The words that followed made me analyze my own words, that I wanted someone to share everything with. And his words that followed of: "Lets see if I have everything. But I found that these things were too strange and spectacular to avoid thinking of. I used to dress for my man, but when I left him I kept on doing it, hoping to be seen as more of a woman than a in this new interest's eyes.
The last conversation was interesting, I felt like he knew. I don't even know what, but he knew. Maybe that I was interested in him, maybe that he was interested in me. But in what manner, I do not know. I left, and for months I thought of all of these uncanny things that had happened.
I fell absolutely in love, and prayed that I be allowed to spend more time seeing if it were true. I wanted it to be so badly, I think I might have given myself away. I spent a very long time focusing on him, and I wonder to myself if I ever even crossed his mind. Then, I heard the words that I long questioned, that he had someone in his life.
Now all I can do is pray for the luxury to be placed close to him, to be his friend. If this is not love, I could use a friend. I don't even know if that is possible, either. To sit and look and listen But, it turned out to be much better than I thought, and I did enjoy it and value the time, regardless of my gazing upon the one I cannot ignore.
I told myself that I absolutely had to let him know, somehow, in some cryptic and romantic way.
So I did, anyone could see if they knew everything we do. And then I was completely ignored, even insulted. But its for the better. My delusions of finding someone who could truly understand me have started to be recognized as such. All of the details I examine might very well be mistakes and coincidences. I really thought it meant something. The movie, I watched it again, and where true love is unfurled. That moment My heart just bursted, for when he leaned towards my face speaking to me, I did that.
I remember so clearly. Its just Why have I been cursed liked this? Why have these things happened to torture my?
My heart I will see him again soon, and I will make a fool of myself over and over again. I hope one day I can be free, through either growth or decay of these thoughts. But this stagnation, not knowing, it tortures my mind. I hope you read this. I hope you know exactly what I mean, re all of these occurrences, and have to face me knowing full well that I am in love with you. Either way, I'll keep going on doing what I do and what I love, I really can't avoid you. You're attached to everything that I hold. I every single thing about you. Your voice, your frizzy hair, your imperfections are even charming to me.
I have some, as well, but I think your characteristics are beautiful. The funny way you dress sometimes, and the fact that you mentioned people that do this are weird. You are weird. I love you. God, I could never be your friend. You are probably so happy with your life, and I am just a stranger intruding.
I'll pray that I can be given the chance in life to tell you how much I love you, as stereotypical as it is. You are loved my many, I am sure. But I would give the world to be with you.
Everything that I do, I do out of love. Our god, he says that this is the most perfect love that one could have. I see what he means, more than ever. I want to lay at your feet and worship your occurrence in my life. I would do that every day for the rest of my life, if I were given the chance to. But I can't, I just can not and will not tell you.
At least not now, not while it might do more than good. I write a lot. I wrote this for my resolution. It is to stop being in love with you. I see no other within my sight that I every interaction with. I don't feel good enough for someone like you, I don't have any money. I don't have a house. I don't even have a real career, yet.
But I would work to take care of you, I would work until my hands were raw for you. The image that I in my mind years ago, it reminds me of you. Your every wish I would follow, but cannot raise my head to meet your eyes without you telling me to. Whenever somebody does this I can have dozens of orgasms in only a few minutes. Looking for a muscular stud with a hard dick to do this to me this week.
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At least to try and make a few new friends at that. I am a little country as I am originally from WV. I love music and outdoors. I do play guitar as I love my music! Well if you are interested me back. Attached is a pic!
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